im six kinds of drunk right now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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