It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
