Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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