Someone shit on the floor
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
