so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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