when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
