Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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