I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize