i already hear my dad disowning me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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