left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
