The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize