you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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