Dual....:-)
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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