i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
