I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
