I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
