I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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