no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
