I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
