You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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