Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
