Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
