Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
