Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
