FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
