And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
