Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
