how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
