I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
