Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
