Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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