I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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