I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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