I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
