I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
