it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
