Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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