I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
