ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
