omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
