I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
