if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
