i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Are we still banned from the library?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize