be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
