When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
