if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
