I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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