I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
