we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
