Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize