ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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