I puked a lego.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
