Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
