69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
are you so shy because you have an std?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
