I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
