so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
