I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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