what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
