your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize