mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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