i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
