shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
