It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
