omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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