i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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