Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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