Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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