Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
