I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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