if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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