Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
