Sry I called you an 8
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
